10 Things I’d Tell a New Mum (That No One Else Will)
If I could sit beside you on the couch right now — baby feeding, laundry half done, emotions all over the place — this is what I’d gently tell you.
10 Things I’d Tell a New Mum (That No One Else Will) isn’t advice shouted from the sidelines. It’s the stuff most mums only admit quietly, once they feel safe enough. It’s the list I wish someone had given me after both Aurora and Kody were born.
As a Melbourne newborn photographer, I’ve shared space with hundreds of new mums in that tender newborn bubble. I’ve listened to the whispers, the guilt, the “is this normal?” questions. And so much of it mirrors my own experience.
This blog isn’t about doing motherhood right. 10 Things I’d Tell a New Mum (That No One Else Will) is about letting you breathe and realise you’re not alone.
1. You don’t have to love every minute
Let’s start here — because this one matters.
You don’t have to love every minute of motherhood. You can love your baby fiercely and still feel overwhelmed, touched-out, emotional or unsure.
After four long days of labour with Aurora, I remember sitting at home thinking, Why does this feel so hard already? I loved her deeply — but I was exhausted and trying to find my feet.
Around 80% of Australian mums experience the baby blues, and around 1 in 7 experience postnatal anxiety or depression. Feeling this way doesn’t mean you’re failing — it means you’ve just been through something huge.
This honesty is why 10 Things I’d Tell a New Mum (That No One Else Will) exists — because pretending it’s all bliss doesn’t help anyone.
Support if you need it:
2. Your baby doesn’t need a perfect mum
In other words, If you’re worried you’re not doing enough, this one’s for you.
Your baby doesn’t need perfection. They need you — showing up, responding, trying again when it doesn’t go smoothly.
The idea of the “good enough parent” is well supported by the Australian Institute of Family Studies. Being emotionally available most of the time is more than enough.
I see this constantly in my newborn sessions. Mums apologising for things that don’t matter — a messy house, a missed nap, a feed that didn’t go to plan. And I think about my own early days, wondering if I was getting it right.
The truth? Your baby already thinks you’re exactly who they need.
Learn more about my newborn approach: https://www.aurorajoyphotography.com.au
3. Bonding can take time
This one often comes with a lot of quiet guilt. “I didn’t cry when either of my children were born. Not with Aurora after days of labour, and not with Kody either.” At the time, it didn’t feel wrong — until people asked, “Did you cry?” and their reactions made me question myself.
Bonding doesn’t always arrive in a rush. Sometimes it grows slowly, alongside confidence and familiarity.
COPE Australia reassures parents that delayed bonding is common and doesn’t affect long-term attachment. Love isn’t late — it’s just finding its way.
Support:
4. Your body deserves patience
This one can feel heavy, especially in a world that expects you to be “back to normal” far too quickly.
Your body has done something extraordinary — it grew a human, birthed them, and is now keeping them alive. That deserves respect, not pressure.
Looking back, I remember staring at my body after having Aurora and thinking I should be further along my fitness journey than I was. Like I should be coping better, healing faster, feeling more like myself. But recovery isn’t linear, and it’s not a race.
Australian postnatal guidelines suggest physical recovery can take up to 12 months, sometimes longer. That’s normal — even if it doesn’t get talked about much. From one mum to another: you don’t need to wait until you feel “ready” or “yourself again” to exist in photos. One day, these images will show you how strong you were — even if you couldn’t see it at the time.
Newborn session info: https://www.aurorajoyphotography.com.au
5. Sleep deprivation is brutal
Firstly, everything feels harder than you expected, sleep is often the missing piece. Sleep deprivation changes the way you think, feel and cope. It can make small things feel overwhelming and big emotions spill over without warning.
I remember those broken nights where time felt blurry — feeds blending into each other, days passing without really knowing what day it was. Wondering why I felt flat, emotional or snappy.
The Raising Children Network confirms that chronic lack of sleep can significantly affect mental health in new parents.
Some resources to help you get more rest and find gentle routines:
Safe Sleep Space: Practical tools for parents safesleepspace.com.au
Sleep Health Foundation: Tips for new mums on coping with broken nights sleephealthfoundation.org.au
Pregnancy, Birth and Baby: Baby sleep and routine advice pregnancybirthbaby.org.au
Australian Breastfeeding Association: Gentle strategies for baby sleep breastfeeding.asn.au
Karitane: Sleep & settling support karitane.com.au
6. You’re allowed to say no
Above all, one of the hardest lessons new mums learn — especially if you’re used to keeping everyone else happy.
I wish someone had said this to me clearly in those first weeks:
You don’t owe anyone access to your newborn.
Not family, not friends, not people who just want a cuddle.
Those early days are for you to learn your baby, your rhythm, and this new version of your life. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to take space. It’s okay to protect your bubble.
Some resources to help you practice saying no and setting boundaries:
- The Motherhood Podcast (AU) – real stories on boundaries and self-care themotherhoodpodcast.com
- Raising Children Network – Setting Boundaries – practical tips for parents raisingchildren.net.au
- Mindful Mama Collective – blogs & audio on self-care and saying no mindfulmamaco.com/blog
- The Calm Collective Podcast – mindfulness and boundary-setting advice thecalmcollective.com/podcast
Remember – setting boundaries isn’t rude — it’s caring for yourself and your baby.
7. Your relationship will change
This one hit me hard.
After Aurora, I tried to keep everything the same. I slipped into that old-school role — clean house, dinner on the table, holding it all together. I told myself I hadn’t changed. That is, until I was completely burnt out and finally said to Josh, “I can’t do it all anymore”. The funny part? He’d been telling me to stop doing it all for ages. I just wasn’t ready to hear it.
Relationships change after babies. There are no rulebooks, and you’ll discover new dynamics — sometimes challenging, sometimes magical. Your priorities shift, your time is shared differently, and even little things like conversations, date nights, or just quiet moments feel harder to come by.
The good news? Change doesn’t mean broken. It means growing together. My tip for new mums: carve out tiny daily moments just for your partner — even 10 minutes of shared tea after baby sleeps can help you reconnect.
Resources & support:
Parenting Ideas – articles and webinars about relationships post-baby: https://www.parentingideas.com.au/articles/relationships
Relationships Australia – advice for parenting couples, managing conflict, and reconnecting after baby: https://www.relationships.org.au
Raising Children Network – Parenting as a Team – practical tips for co-parenting and supporting your relationship: https://raisingchildren.net.au/relationships/parenting-as-a-team
8. You’re not bad at settling your baby
Mums often ask me during sessions:
“How do you settle her so well?”
The truth? It’s easier for me being an outsider. I don’t have the mum smell, the mental checklist, or the pressure of housework, meals, and everything else you’re juggling. I get to dedicate my full attention to your baby for a short, gentle window.
At home, you’re feeding, cleaning, cooking, and squeezing in a shower where you can. If your baby won’t settle immediately, it doesn’t mean you’re failing — it means you’re human. I remember feeling frustrated at times after Aurora and Kody, thinking I must be doing something wrong. But seeing so many mums in my studio, I know this is normal. Your baby is learning to trust and self-soothe, and so are you.
Resources:
Raising Children Network – Settling Your Newborn
Karitane – Baby Settling & Sleep
Australian Breastfeeding Association – Soothing Baby
9. You’ll grieve your old life
This one doesn’t get talked about enough.
You can love your baby deeply and still miss the version of yourself you were before. I felt this quietly after having my children — missing freedom, spontaneity, the simple things like leaving the house without a plan or having time to myself. A mix of joy and loss that isn’t often spoken about, but it’s real.
If we were having coffee, I’d tell you this: “Missing your old life doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. Both feelings can coexist. This is part of the transformation into motherhood. Your identity shifts, and it can feel confusing or overwhelming. Those moments when I longed to do small things alone, yet felt guilty even thinking it — and that’s completely normal.”
Resources:
Raising Children Network – Your Emotions After Birth
Beyond Blue – Postpartum Mood Disorders
PANDA – Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia
10. This phase ends
It can feel impossible to believe when nights are long, feeds never end, and every day is a blur. You wonder if you’ll ever get a moment to breathe or feel like yourself again.
But this phase does end. Slowly, gently, often without you noticing. Sleep stretches, feeds settle, and routines start to flow. I remember after having Aurora and Kody, one day realising it wasn’t as frantic — and I could finally exhale.
These early days hold everything at once: joy, exhaustion, gratitude, and love. Tiny smiles and quiet snuggles are fleeting, which makes them precious. Life does become manageable again, bit by bit — and one day, you’ll look back and marvel at your own resilience.
Helpful resources & podcasts:
The Gentle Parenting Podcast (AU)
Raising Children Network – First Month Support
A list of great parenting podcasts
Parenting a Newborn with Dr Emma Pickett (Audiobook)
If you’re reading this and feeling overwhelmed, remember: you’re not doing anything wrong. It’s all about learning, adapting, and giving your all — and that is enough.
Motherhood is messy, exhausting, and full of surprises. Some days will feel impossible, others magical. Allow yourself feel it all. Trust your instincts, and take tiny moments for yourself whenever you can.
One day, you’ll look back at these early weeks and feel respect for everything you got through — the sleepless nights, the emotional rollercoaster, and the constant learning. This phase ends. Your baby grows, and so do you — and there is so much beauty to hold on to along the way.
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